


Burn It Down

by dirrrtydeeds



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 10:39:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17181410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirrrtydeeds/pseuds/dirrrtydeeds
Summary: You didn't haveregrets. You just had one.





	Burn It Down

**Author's Note:**

> I found this, almost entirely as is (I edited a few things for grammar's sake), in my WIPs folder. I don't remember writing any of it, nor do I remember how I was planning on ending it. But Lex (wrasslesmut on tumblr) encouraged me to post it after reading it, so here it is!

You weren’t the type of person to have regrets. Even from a very, very young age, you saw mistakes as learning experiences, saw every tiny window of opportunity as  _ your _ opportunity, and you saw each morning as the beginning of a new you. You embraced change, thrived under pressure, and did all of it with a smile.

That type of mentality had taken you very far in life. You had always known that you had wanted to be a wrestler, you had always known that you wanted to be the best of the best everywhere you went - and you were. You were the best when you were barely eighteen fighting in disgusting high school gyms, you were the best when you made it to some of the bigger companies in pro wrestling, and you were  _ damn well _ the best of the best in the WWE. 

You were a fighter through and through in every single thing that you did, inside the ring and out of it.

But you never fought for  _ him. _

You had met Seth Rollins in your first few days on the main roster, where he was already an established superstar, and you were still the rookie. Albeit a very well-known rookie, but a rookie nonetheless. You knew your place in the WWE, and you knew you’d earn your spot soon enough. You were nothing if not respectful to those who were above you. 

Respectful, but still a go-getter. He was alone when you were passing through the halls going in the opposite direction as him, and judging from his jeans, t-shirt and beanie combo, he had finished his work for the night, and so had you. It was perfect timing for you to ask him for a few moments of his time, since you had a few questions for him. 

He was surprised, but obliged your request, flashing a smile your way that already had you absolutely hooked on Seth freakin’ Rollins himself. It was like he was  _ magnetic, _ like his very  _ soul _ was calling out to you, and you swore in that one second that you had found pure sunshine in his smile and in his eyes. 

Still, as enamoured as you very quickly became with the Architect, you pressed on with your questions for him; just simple things about his training regimen and what he recommended to build more stamina, strength, and flexibility, how to approach certain moves that had been giving you some trouble, and other little things like that. 

The two of you talked for a good thirty minutes there in the middle of that hallway before you both had to go your separate ways, but he had given you his phone number and insisted that this conversation continue later. He said that he admired your tenacity, watching you build a name for yourself on the independent scene and in NXT and now on the main roster. He said that he was glad you sought him out, that you asked him the questions that you had. He’d told you that he was flattered that you had focused ‘that spitfire attitude’ on him and his advice.

And the rest, you supposed, was history. 

The two of you fell in love like a forest fire. It was quick, all encompassing, dangerously beautiful and terrible all at once. 

_ Or maybe, _ you always wondered morosely to yourself during nights spent lonely but never alone, surrounded by so many people who loved you and cheered you on,  _ maybe it was never love at all. _

For all the passion you exuded in both your private and your public life, as yourself and as your in-ring persona, you still didn’t know what actual, proper love was. You thought it was what you had for Seth and he for you, but clearly, that wasn’t the case. Because if he loved you, and you loved him, then it wouldn’t have ended, right? 

Especially not the way it ended. 

He didn’t  _ cheat, _ per se. 

At least, not the way people assumed he would in the end. 

He told you he never touched her, that she never touched him, and you believed him. Really, you did. But you saw the way he looked at her. You saw the way he looked when you asked him about it. He didn’t have to say a damn word in the end. And you were glad of it. You were strong, but you didn’t think you were strong enough for  _ this. _ You couldn’t think of anyone who was. 

You had thought that maybe you were in love, and that he was, too, but your mind kept going back to that same thought - that if it was love, if it was  _ really _ love, then  _ it _ would have never happened. 

The whole situation had rocked you to your core. It had changed you, changed the very  _ essence _ of you. All your friends had noticed, of course, but you were inconsolable in the weeks and months following The Incident. You got better, little by little, but it was like crumpling up a fresh sheet of paper, opening it back up, and then expecting the paper to be perfect again. 

Your fire, while still  _ there, _ had died out in some places. You kept up appearances, of course, in front of your fans, your coworkers, friends and family, but when you were alone, it was like you felt the heartbreak all over again. 

You asked yourself question after question, trying to make sense of the situation. You wondered if it was because you weren’t good enough. You wondered if it was because you hadn’t fought hard enough to keep him. You hadn’t thought you’d  _ need _ to fight for him. Up until the very end, you had thought that he was a sure thing in your life. The sun would rise in the morning, the moon would replace it at night, and Seth Rollins would always be yours. 

You thought, then, maybe, it was just that that had made him not want you anymore. You had gotten too comfortable with him. You had let your guard down. Maybe that had bored him - maybe who you were underneath the bravado and the cheeky one-liners wasn’t what he wanted. 

You kept yourself up at night wondering what would have happened if you had done something differently. Maybe he would have stayed if you had gone with him to the gym that one time he asked even though you had different plans that day. Maybe he never would have looked at her the way he used to look at you if you had worn that dress he had said he loved so much. 

Even now, a year after The Incident almost to the day, you thought about it. Made yourself sick over it. Stayed quiet when you normally would have made a statement, kept your eyes focused on the ground beneath your feet when you normally would have had your shoulders back and your chin up. 

You had thought that this horrid, aching feeling that settled in your heart would go away by now. You’d thought you’d have picked yourself up by now, but you hadn’t. Which meant either you really  _ had _ found love in those beautiful brown eyes of his… or you were just weak. You didn’t know which answer hurt you worse. 

Your eyes caught on his one night when you were at the hotel’s pool in the middle of who the fuck knows where (you used to remember the name of every city, used to celebrate every new pin on your map, back before The Incident) after a show, your jeans rolled up to your knees and your legs submerged while you looked up and tried to count the stars as a distraction from your own mind. You looked up when you heard the gate being opened, startled at first at the sudden company, but your eyes softened in spite of yourself when you saw that it was  _ him. _

He was frozen a few feet in front of you - close enough for you to see that he wasn’t even breathing. But much like that first time you had met, it was like your eyes were connected to his by magnetism. It stayed that way for a few moments before you could see him moving to step backwards, a mumbled ‘sorry’ slipping from his lips, but you didn’t let him get even a step away before you opened your mouth. 

“You can stay. If you want.” You told him - the first words you had spoken to him since The Incident. 

He stared at you, almost as if trying to ascertain your true intentions, but you really didn’t have any. Yes, you had questions, yes, you wanted to grab him by the shoulders and scream them at the top of your lungs, but you weren’t going to. Not right now. Not tonight. 

He snapped his mouth shut when he finished his search of you, and slowly moved to sit down next to you. You watched him curiously for a few moments before that ache in your heart threatened to tear you apart, and you stared down at your toes in the water. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe you should just go. Maybe - 

“I don’t think I’ve said I’m sorry to you yet.” 

His words, soft and gentle and just as horribly  _ sad _ as you were feeling right now, snapped you out of your reverie. You blinked owlishly at him, almost taken aback more by his tone than his words. 

It was almost a little  _ too _ long before you found your voice again. “Why now?” 

He looked like you had just kicked him in the chest rather than asked him a simple question, and instinctively you found yourself wanting to lean forward and soothe away the pain with gentle fingertips, feather-light lips, and words sweeter and smoother than honey. It was perhaps the truest testament to your self control  _ ever _ \- you were quite frankly shocked you hadn’t sought him out before, just to breathe him in again like you were now, even if it was only for a second. 

“I just… I didn’t know you’d be out here, but I saw you, and I just…” Seth struggled with finding what he really wanted to say, but you were patient. He was always so good with words. The best, beautiful, most brilliant words. “I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.” 

You nodded, not completely satisfied by his answer, but you were content for now. “Thank you, then. For saying sorry.” 

Because you didn’t - you  _ couldn’t _ \- accept his apology right now. He hurt you more than you thought were even possible to be hurt short of an actual, physical blow to your chest. And yes, it had been a year, but that was a whole year when he could have said his piece, but he didn’t. Then again… neither had you. 

You hadn’t fought for him, had just let things end all because you assumed that it simply wasn’t worth it. After all, you shouldn’t  _ have _ to fight for him, right? That was what you had thought in the heat of the moment, of course. 

And it became the first ever regret of your entire life. One year later, and you could finally admit that you regretted it. Regretted walking out that door, regretted barely saying a word. Regretted not raising hell to keep him with you, regretted not lighting a fire under his ass and reminding him why the two of you were together to begin with. 

Your mind was racing almost as fast as your heart, and you weren’t at all surprised to feel tears beginning to well up in your eyes, but you  _ were _ surprised to hear what he had to say next. 

“Do you wish things happened differently?” 

_ Yes! _ You wanted to scream at the top of your lungs. You wanted to scream until your lungs gave out. You wanted to pour your heart out to your ex lover and tell him about how your one true wish in the world was to do that night over again differently - that you had literally never regretted anything  _ ever, _ but you regretted  _ that. _

But you didn’t. And you had a feeling that that would turn into your second-ever regret, just pursing your lips and keeping your eyes fixated on the water. You didn’t think you were okay enough to have this conversation, but nevertheless, Seth persisted. You would later be  _ so _ glad for the fact, but in the here and now, it did nothing but worsen the ache threatening to shred you to pieces. 

“Talk to me.  _ Please.” _ Seth pleaded, the waver in his usually sure and steady tone being what eventually brought you to look into his eyes. 

“It doesn’t matter.” You said finally, feeling so,  _ so _ defeated. Yes, it did matter, it mattered  _ so much, _ but you knew if you told him that… well. You didn’t know what would happen, but you couldn’t imagine that it would be  _ good. _ “You’ve moved on, and I have to be okay with that.” 

It was quiet after that, after you had shut the door for good on any hope for him  _ ever _ coming back to you. Your fight was gone, and all that was left was to raise the white flags and surrender. You were done now. You simply couldn’t handle any more hurt. It had been a year - a whole  _ year _ of nothing but pain. You gave up. You surrendered. You couldn’t fight this anymore. 

You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes, and you were too exhausted to fight them anymore. You let them slip down your cheeks, stinging your eyes as they went, not wiping them away or trying to hold them back. Seth watched you, his mouth open but he didn’t say a word. But, to be fair to him, you didn’t say anything either. 

Instead, you stood and flashed him a weak smile that you were positive came out to be more of a grimace. You couldn’t bring yourself to say goodbye. Not even a wave. It was really done for good, now, then. Well, you supposed it had been ‘done for good’ the whole last year, but you finally had some  _ closure _ now. You wondered if sleep would come easier to you tonight, but you doubted it. 

You cried the whole way up the elevator, your body well and truly finally broken down. All it took was one last look into his beautiful brown eyes. 


End file.
